A RIGHT ROYAL TURN-UP
by John Yeo
“They’re on strike!” Said the PM to the Lord Chancellor, “We will have to go abroad and bring someone in to get the new Canned Beans factory officially opened properly.”
“Oh God no! What is the problem?” Asked the Lord Chancellor adjusting his wig.
“Since we have got rid of the Royal Yacht and provided oars for them, they seem to be worn out, even though they only use the canals and there is no tidal motion.” said the PM. “That reminds me, I have asked the King of Tonga, to launch our new aircraft carrier for us, He has agreed but the consideration into the Tongan economy is immense.”
“Can’t we get someone else who will do it cheaper?” asked the Chancellor of the Exchequer.
“No! Most of the European monarchs are out on strike in sympathy, with our Royals. The Labour Party are backing them up, there is talk of a General Strike in support of our poor hard done by Royals.” Replied the PM.
“I have heard that the savings from the withdrawal of the Royal train were rapidly squandered on helicopters. It’s a disgrace, they were actually nipping down to pick their daily papers up by helicopter. A journey of about a mile each way.” Exclaimed the Chancellor of The Exchequer.
“When the government withdrew all state-funded, gas-guzzling limousines from the Royals, there was such an outcry of horror from them. We bought a fleet of brand new cycles! Brand new bikes! They are still untouched I have heard, HM actually requested a motorcycle for the heir to the throne to get about on, but he declined it in favour of the old bike he has ridden in private for years.” Said the Minister for Transport. “The horses that draw the carriages are getting on a bit now, it would cost a fortune to replace them.”
“ President Obama is arriving soon on an official visit, I don’t suppose we could negotiate a return to royal duties before then. It would be a shame to lay out the red carpet and the Royals boycott the occasion.” Said the PM.
Just then a voice broke in from the back of the House. “What about giving the Royals the concessions they are asking for and bringing them back. My Mum would be happy to pay more taxes to fund some appropriate transport for the Royals!”
There was a shocked silence at this form of blasphemy from within the ranks. “Pay more tax? Are you mad? We are already the most heavily taxed country in the world!”
Then with a fusillade of shots from a ten gun artillery salute, the cry went up. “It’s all over, the Royal Walkout is finished, they have come into money.
A Royal windfall on the lottery their numbers have come up.
A Butler has sold Buckingham Palace to a very wealthy Russian he met in Trafalgar Square. An absentee landlord, who has promised to let the royals live in the palace, rent-free for the rest of the dynasty.
A nephew of HM has become a highly paid professional footballer and has solved the transport problem,
There were cheers and shouts of joy throughout the land. A public holiday was declared, and there were street parties held the length and breadth of the country.
Copyright © Written by John Yeo ~ All rights reserved.